"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up."
Romans 15:1,2
I've heard it a lot, and I bet you have too, that telling women to dress modestly is sexist, is a form of body-shaming, sexualizes women, or undermines male responsibility for lustful thoughts. I have wondered about this issue myself. I must admit that I have sometimes worn things that weren't really modest, and have wondered if it matters. I once read an article stating that Paul's injunction to dress modestly was actually a command against showing off one's wealth through sumptuous clothes. I must confess that such linguistic matters are somewhat beyond me. However, I think there are good reasons to be modest, reasons from the Bible.
Modesty is a concession we make to men's weakness, a way we express love. There is a lot of talk nowadays about preserving one's rights, about standing up for oneself, etc. There is little talk about conceding one's rights for the good of others, but the Bible upholds doing so. Giving to the poor is an example of such a concession. While it would be wrong for a person in need to steal from somebody, it is perfectly fine for that person to give to the person in need. The command not to steal respects people's right to property while the command to give enjoins giving up that right for the good of others.
Another example, one inspired by the passage quoted above, is that of avoiding presenting temptation to people with certain weaknesses. For instance, if you have an alcoholic friend and were planning to invite that friend to a get-together, it would be kindest for you not to serve alcohol, even if you did not offer any of it to your friend. Even though you might argue that your friend should have the gumption to not drink even when alcohol is available, even if you are confident he can, it is still kind to avoid presenting him with temptation. It is a way you can be considerate towards your friend's weakness.
Now, most men have a weakness. (Note that I said most men, not all men.) It is hard for them not to lust when they see a woman dressed in a way that would be described as "scanty" from the point of view of your culture. That standard, will, of course, differ in different contexts, but the standard exists. In our culture, there is a certain tolerance for a degree of immodesty, a degree seen as sexy, but not taboo. By avoiding dress that makes things hard for men, we women can show love. We can help our brothers in Christ do their duty. I admit, it is a sacrifice. Do men deserve it? No. Jesus also made a sacrifice for you, even though you do not deserve it. Modest dress is a way for us to imitate Jesus and sacrifice for the good of others.
Note that I do not discount the problems many women have with male immodesty. However, I think female immodesty is much more prevalent in formal situations. For men, in general, the more formal the occasion, the more a man will be wearing. For a woman, things are not so simple. Outside of business wear, the fancier the occasion, the more likely a woman will have bare shoulders, etc. Our society permits women greater variety in dress, and greater immodesty.
There is an important warning I must issue here. Whenever people concede their rights for the good of others, abuse is possible. How can we avoid it? I don't pretend to be an expert, but I will offer a few words to men on having a proper attitude. Men, don't demand modesty, request it. Listen to women and make sure what you are asking is practical. We women are used to wearing less than you do, and may find ourselves uncomfortable wearing a lot of clothes in the summer. Bras can be difficult to hide, and may act as though they want to be seen. Women who are "gifted" may find it hard to find tops high enough without looking like old maids. Besides everything, remember that our fashions do not cater to modesty, cater less to modesty than yours, so dressing modestly and fashionably can be harder for us than for you. Bear with us, and forgive our failings. Never use immodesty as an excuse for lust, rape, exploitation, catcalling, or humiliation. You are responsible for yourselves.
Romans 15:1,2
I've heard it a lot, and I bet you have too, that telling women to dress modestly is sexist, is a form of body-shaming, sexualizes women, or undermines male responsibility for lustful thoughts. I have wondered about this issue myself. I must admit that I have sometimes worn things that weren't really modest, and have wondered if it matters. I once read an article stating that Paul's injunction to dress modestly was actually a command against showing off one's wealth through sumptuous clothes. I must confess that such linguistic matters are somewhat beyond me. However, I think there are good reasons to be modest, reasons from the Bible.
Modesty is a concession we make to men's weakness, a way we express love. There is a lot of talk nowadays about preserving one's rights, about standing up for oneself, etc. There is little talk about conceding one's rights for the good of others, but the Bible upholds doing so. Giving to the poor is an example of such a concession. While it would be wrong for a person in need to steal from somebody, it is perfectly fine for that person to give to the person in need. The command not to steal respects people's right to property while the command to give enjoins giving up that right for the good of others.
Another example, one inspired by the passage quoted above, is that of avoiding presenting temptation to people with certain weaknesses. For instance, if you have an alcoholic friend and were planning to invite that friend to a get-together, it would be kindest for you not to serve alcohol, even if you did not offer any of it to your friend. Even though you might argue that your friend should have the gumption to not drink even when alcohol is available, even if you are confident he can, it is still kind to avoid presenting him with temptation. It is a way you can be considerate towards your friend's weakness.
Now, most men have a weakness. (Note that I said most men, not all men.) It is hard for them not to lust when they see a woman dressed in a way that would be described as "scanty" from the point of view of your culture. That standard, will, of course, differ in different contexts, but the standard exists. In our culture, there is a certain tolerance for a degree of immodesty, a degree seen as sexy, but not taboo. By avoiding dress that makes things hard for men, we women can show love. We can help our brothers in Christ do their duty. I admit, it is a sacrifice. Do men deserve it? No. Jesus also made a sacrifice for you, even though you do not deserve it. Modest dress is a way for us to imitate Jesus and sacrifice for the good of others.
Note that I do not discount the problems many women have with male immodesty. However, I think female immodesty is much more prevalent in formal situations. For men, in general, the more formal the occasion, the more a man will be wearing. For a woman, things are not so simple. Outside of business wear, the fancier the occasion, the more likely a woman will have bare shoulders, etc. Our society permits women greater variety in dress, and greater immodesty.
There is an important warning I must issue here. Whenever people concede their rights for the good of others, abuse is possible. How can we avoid it? I don't pretend to be an expert, but I will offer a few words to men on having a proper attitude. Men, don't demand modesty, request it. Listen to women and make sure what you are asking is practical. We women are used to wearing less than you do, and may find ourselves uncomfortable wearing a lot of clothes in the summer. Bras can be difficult to hide, and may act as though they want to be seen. Women who are "gifted" may find it hard to find tops high enough without looking like old maids. Besides everything, remember that our fashions do not cater to modesty, cater less to modesty than yours, so dressing modestly and fashionably can be harder for us than for you. Bear with us, and forgive our failings. Never use immodesty as an excuse for lust, rape, exploitation, catcalling, or humiliation. You are responsible for yourselves.
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